BUSH PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY DESTROYED BY FIRE

Crawford, Texas--

A tragic fire this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. Both of his books have been lost. A presidential spokesman said the president was devastated, as he had almost finished coloring the second one. The fire began in the presidential bathroom where both of the books were kept. No additional details are available at this time.

I swear to GOD this isn't my dog Palin.

Although it's kind of scary how much it does look like him.

Who would have thought?

"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron."

H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)

Wide load ahead

Now I know why there were so many wrecks on I-35 yesterday during my commute home.

I want one!!

I was over at Jimbo's and HAD to link this here:

Coolest car ever!

I love my Mother

My mother is a continuous source of enjoyment for me. At 75 years old, she still continues to crack me up. Here's the latest joke she called to tell me today:

One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

Se seems okay, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up.

Again she seems okay, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning and well into the afternoon.

Later, that family arrives to see how their elderly mother is adjusting to her new home.

"So, ma how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"

"It's pretty nice", she replies.

"Except they won't let me Fart!!!"

And he SCORES!

I think I might have to start watching more sports if this becomes a trend.

Man sports woody after scoring goal.

Being from Nebraska, I was terrified to realize how many of these I related to:


You know you're from Nebraska if.....

During a storm, you check the cattle before you check the kids.
You are related to more then half the town.
You can tell the difference between a cow and a horse from a distance.
You don't put too much effort into hairstyles, due to the weather.
Your quarterback is hurt and you are hoping it is the first thing on the six o'clock news.
You use your life savings to go to the Nebraska-Colorado game.
You can wear red and white overalls in public and not feel stupid.
There's a tornado warning and the whole town is outside watching for the tornado.
The local gas station sells live bait.
You think Abraham Lincoln was named for the capital of Nebraska.
You know the Woodmen Tower is not made of wood.
You don't buy all your vegetables at the grocery store.
You know you cannot tube "upstream."
You go to the State Fair for your ONLY vacation.
You get up at 5:30am and go to the coffee shop.
You are on a first name basisi with the county sherrif.
When little smokies are something you serve only for special occasions.
You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean.
You have the number to the CO-OP feed store on speed dial.
You know what the "sea of red and white" is.
All your radio preset buttons are country-western stations.
You try to find the cheapest motel room while going out of town.
You think that using the elevator involves a corn truck.
Your mayor is also the doctor, barber and/or dentist.
You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.
You are walking knee deep in snow.
You call the wrong number by mistake and talk to the person for an hour anyway.
Your excuse for getting out of school is that the cows got out.
You know cow pies are not made of beef.
Your early morning prayer covers rain, cattle and Tom Osborne.
You wake up when it's dark, and go to bed when it's still light.
You consider a romantic evening to include driving through McDonalds and renting a hunting instruction video.
You want to buy manure.
You listen to "Paul Harvey" every day at noon.
You can tell it's really a farmer working late in his field, and not a UFO.
Your nearest neighbor is in the next area code.
You leave your snow tires on year-round.
You know the difference between field corn and sweet corn when they are still on the stalk.
You pick up all the free stuff at the State Fair.
Football schedules are checked before wedding dates are set.
YOu can eat an ear of corn with no untensils in less than 20 seconds.
You don't clean up the dog's mess because it is just fertilizer.
You wear your irrigation boots to church.
You know enough to get your driving done early on Sundays (before the Sunday drivers come out)
It takes 30 seconds to reach your destination and it's clear across town.
You can tell the smell of a skunk and the smell of a feedlot apart.
True love means you'll ride on a tractor with him.
You consider a building to be a "mall" if it is bigger than the local Alco.

*

And y'all wonder why I LEFT?

*sigh*

Is Hell exothermic or endothermic?

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."

Who would have thought?

After keeping up with a journal over at Zeitzeuge, I was thinking about the possibilities of starting a 2nd blog. Many thoughts went through this frazzled brain of mine. I thought about taking a stab at writing something more professional or possibly use this format as a way to write a book or short stories.

Then I slapped myself silly.

I'll stick to drawing and telling stupid, silly little stories on my other blog. Leave the big boy writing for.....well, the professionals.

I'm constantly coming across important news articles, touching stories, hilarious jokes, cute pictures, games, memes and a host of other mind numbing things. I've decided to start Itchycoo Park.

--A place where the peace and love generation gather to be entertained.

Enjoy!