Peter met Sharon in a nightclub...

They enjoyed each other's company very much and at the end of he evening Sharon invited Peter to her place, where they quickly got involved in a very passionate and energetic session in bed together.

Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and snuggled up close to each other.

After a short while, Sharon began tenderly stroking Peter's manhood.

Surprised but appreciative, Peter comments, "Surely you can't be ready for more already?

Sharon replies, "No, but every now and then I get a bit nostalgic, and I miss the days when I had mine"

My piggy bank after buying a tank of gas....

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
1. Indubitably
2. Innovative
3. Preliminary
4. Proliferation
5. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Loquacious Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
2. Nope, no more booze for me
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type
4. Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
5. Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing

ZEN FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY

1. Save The Whales. Collect The Whole Set.

2. A Day Without Sunshine Is Like, Night.

3. On The Other Hand, You Have Different Fingers.

4. I Just Got Lost In Thought. It Wasn't Familiar Territory.

5. 42.7 Percent Of All Statistics Are Made Up On The Spot.

6. Light Travels Faster Than Sound, Which Is Why Some People Appear Bright Until You Hear Them Speak.

7. I Feel Like I'm Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe.

8. Honk If You Love Peace And Quiet.

9. Remember, Half The People You Know Are Below Average.

Harold

Harold is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.

One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat, with lull in their conversation Harold turns to Mildred and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?"

She asks, "What?"

"SEX!" he replies.

Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!"

I know," Harold says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while."

Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.

Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood.

Then, one night, Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K. She walked around the senior citizen home where she found him sitting by the pool with another female resident, Ethel, who was holding Harold's manhood.

Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don't have?"

Old Harold smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's"

Four Fathers

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room while their wives were in labor.

The nurse arrived and proudly announced to the first man, "Congratulations, sir. You're the father of twins!"

"What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins Baseball team!"

Later the nurse returned and congratulated the second father on the birth of his triplets.

"Wow! That's incredible! I work for the 3M Corporation."

An hour later, the nurse returned to congratulate the third man on the birth of his quadruplets. Stunned, he barely could reply, "I don't believe it! I work for the Four
Seasons Hotel!"

After this, everyone turned to the fourth guy who had just fainted. The nurse rushed to his side.

As he slowly gained consciousness, they could hear him mutter over and over, "I should never have taken that job at 7-Eleven. I should never have taken that job at 7-Eleven. I should never have taken that job...."