You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a 'drop off', (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a galloping zebra. Both the horse and zebra are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

* Get your drunk-ass off the merry-go-round. *

An Old Man

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old
man walking with his legs spread apart. One of the students said to his friend: "I'm sure he has Petri Syndrome. Those people walk just like that. "

The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely hasZovitzki Syndrome. He walks just as we learned in class."

Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approachedhim and one of the students said to him: "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"

The old man said: "I'll tell you, but first you must tell me what you think."

One of the students said: "I think it's Petri Syndrome." The old man said: "You thought.......... but you are wrong."

Then the other student said: "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said: "You thought.......... but you are wrong."

So they asked him: "Well, what do you have?" The old man said: "I thought it was GAS........... but I was wrong.

Do animals stutter?

"Human beings are the only animals that stutter", the Teacher said. A little girl raises her hand.

"I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"

That must've been scary", said the teacher.

"It sure was", said the little girl. "My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'...And before he could say "Fuck," the rottweiler ate him.

Paris Art Thief

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After carefully planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: "Monsieur, that's the reason I stole the paintings. I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

(And you thought I didn't have De Gaulle to post this did you?)